Ep 84 - Main Character Energy

In Episode 84 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, Bryon and Jen Harvey dive into a trending concept from Gen Z culture: “Main Character Energy.”

Bryon kicks off the conversation by sharing how he came across the term and what it means—seeing yourself as the central figure in every situation. Jen offers insight into how this mindset can subtly affect relationships, especially in the context of marriage.

In marriage, “main character energy” often shows up as self-centered responses to your spouse’s honest communication. For example, one spouse might express a want or need, only for the other spouse to spiral into self-doubt, guilt, or defensiveness. Instead of hearing the concern for what it is, the response becomes about personal failure—how they aren’t measuring up. Bryon shares how he used to feel inadequate when Jen needed to talk to her friends, misinterpreting her need for community as a sign he wasn’t enough.

But the truth is: It’s not always about you. Sometimes your spouse just needs to express themselves, and it’s not a reflection on your performance as a husband or wife. Bryon and Jen discuss how even negative self-focus is still a form of pride—it centers the conversation on you, rather than your partner. Jen highlights Philippians 2:3 (NET): “Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself.”

They also quote Rick Warren’s famous line: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking about yourself less.” This mindset shift is essential for healthy, God-honoring communication.

When your spouse shares a concern, the most loving response is to listen without reacting defensively. Practice active listening without trying to fix the problem right away. In many cases, your spouse may just need a listening ear. And when your spouse is asking for a change in attitude or action, view it as a gift—not a criticism. They’re giving you a clear way to love them better.

It’s also important not to spiral into insecurity. Remind yourself: your spouse loves you, chose you, and continues to say yes to you daily. Trust that if they need something specific from you, they’ll communicate it directly. And for the spouse who’s expressing a concern—don’t drop hints. Be clear and direct. Marriage isn’t a guessing game; it’s a safe, sacred space to speak openly and specifically.

The episode wraps up with this truth: Main character energy destroys many relationships. Yes, you are vitally important to your spouse. But not everything is about you. When your spouse shares a concern, let it be their concern. Support them, listen, and trust that love grows when we stop making ourselves the center of every story.

Operation: Thriving Marriage continues to help couples build stronger, Christ-centered relationships—together. Don’t forget to subscribe and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it!