Ep 82 - How to Sabotage Your Marriage With Money

In Episode 82 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, Bryon and Jen Harvey tackle a topic that hits close to home for nearly every couple: how mishandling money can sabotage your marriage. Bryon begins the conversation by asking Jen, “You deal with a lot of different family issues as a lawyer. What do you see as the biggest contributor to strife in marriage?” Drawing on both professional and personal experience, Jen explains that while financial stress is a common challenge, it’s really about how couples connect—or fail to connect—through that stress. Money is emotionally charged. It touches everything: our goals, our upbringing, our values, and our sense of security. When couples don’t know how to talk about money or approach it as a team, the consequences can be devastating.

 

Referencing a 2024 Fidelity study, Bryon and Jen note that 45% of couples argue about money at least occasionally, and 25% say money is the number one challenge in their marriage. Clearly, finances are a serious issue. But rather than focusing on surface-level fixes, this episode digs into the root causes of money-related tension in relationships and offers biblical, research-backed solutions for building financial unity in marriage.

 

One of the biggest takeaways from the episode is the importance of combining bank accounts. According to multiple studies, couples who combine their finances report higher levels of satisfaction in their marriage. It’s not just about practicality—it’s about unity. When you have a shared account, you’re forced to communicate, collaborate, and create financial goals together, whether that’s saving for a home, planning for retirement, or managing everyday expenses. On the flip side, keeping separate accounts can breed suspicion, secrecy, and division. Bryon sums it up with a powerful statement: “If you can share a bed, you can share a bank account.”

 

Another major factor that undermines financial harmony is what Bryon and Jen call “unexpectations”—the unspoken beliefs, habits, and assumptions we bring into marriage without ever realizing it. These come from our families of origin, our experiences before marriage, and even what we absorb from media, television shows, podcasts, and celebrity financial advisors. When couples don’t talk about these expectations, they become invisible barriers that block trust and intimacy.

 

The episode also reminds listeners that expenses will inevitably increase over time. Whether it’s the cost of raising children, adjusting to a higher standard of living, or dealing with inflation, planning ahead is essential. Couples who don’t anticipate financial changes often find themselves overwhelmed and reactive, which only adds to the strain.

 

One of the more sensitive but critical points Bryon and Jen address is the role extended family can play in sabotaging financial unity. While it’s perfectly okay to seek wise counsel from parents or friends, your financial decisions should be made by you and your spouse alone. It’s crucial to establish boundaries, especially with in-laws, and to never share financial information with anyone your spouse isn’t comfortable with. Financial privacy and unity go hand in hand.

 

As the conversation draws to a close, Bryon and Jen bring it back to a biblical perspective. Money is one of the greatest competitors for our loyalty to God. Jesus said, “You cannot serve both God and money” (Matthew 6:24), and Paul warned that “the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil” (1 Timothy 6:10). The goal of marriage isn’t just happiness—it’s holiness. God gives us marriage as a way to grow more like Christ, and learning to manage money together is a key part of that journey. When couples are faithful with the little they’ve been given, they position themselves to be entrusted with more—and to one day hear those words from Jesus: “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

 

Whether you’re newly married or decades in, this episode offers valuable insight and practical steps for cultivating financial unity in your relationship. If you’ve ever argued about money, kept financial secrets, or felt misunderstood by your spouse about money matters, Episode 83 is a must-listen. Bryon and Jen combine biblical wisdom, real-life experience, and research-backed advice to help you avoid the common traps that sabotage marriages—and to build a thriving relationship grounded in trust, transparency, and shared purpose.

 

Subscribe to Operation: Thriving Marriage on your favorite podcast platform and share this episode with someone who could use a fresh perspective on faith and finances in marriage.