Operation: Thriving Marriage

Ep 75 - New Love Languages

Episode 75: New Love Languages 

Welcome to Operation: Thriving Marriage! In this episode, we’re diving into the concept of love languages—one of the most helpful tools for building strong, loving relationships. While Dr. Gary Chapman’s original five love languages have impacted countless marriages, new research shows they might not cover everyone’s unique ways of expressing and receiving love. We’re exploring the two new love languages introduced by eHarmony—Shared Experiences and Emotional Security—and how they can deepen your connection with your spouse.

Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages revolutionized how couples communicate love. His framework includes:

1.Words of Affirmation

2.Quality Time

3.Receiving Gifts

4.Acts of Service

5.Physical Touch

 

These categories have helped millions of people understand themselves and their partners better. But what happens if you don’t fully resonate with any of these?

 

The Problem: A Missing Connection

 

Many couples feel frustrated when they can’t identify with one of the five love languages.

•Some struggle to communicate their love language to their spouse.

•Others feel unsure how to express love because their spouse can’t articulate what they need.

•Love languages may even feel like a moving target over time.

 

So, what’s the solution?

 

Expanding Love Languages: Two New Additions

 

eHarmony’s research revealed that nearly half of respondents feel the five love languages aren’t enough. They introduced two new categories to reflect modern relationships better:

 

1. Shared Experiences

 

•What It Means: Shared Experiences go beyond spending quality time. This love language is about creating adventures and memorable moments together.

•Signs This Might Be Your Love Language:

•You love planning trips, activities, or weekends with your spouse.

•You seek out new experiences to share together.

•Staying in for date night feels less fulfilling than going out for something exciting.

•Your most cherished memories are the adventures you’ve had together.

•You’re drawn to adventurous, open-minded people.

 

2. Emotional Security

 

•What It Means: Emotional Security focuses on feeling safe, seen, and cared for in a relationship.

•Signs This Might Be Your Love Language:

•You enjoy deep, meaningful conversations.

•You often ask questions to understand your spouse’s emotions.

•Friends turn to you because they feel emotionally safe.

•You value vulnerability and feel connected when your partner shares their feelings.

 

What if You Can’t Identify a Love Language?

 

It’s okay if you don’t fit neatly into one category! The key is to communicate openly about what makes you feel loved. Instead of focusing on labels, ask yourself:

•When have I felt especially loved?

•What was happening? Where were you, and who were you with?

•What were others doing to make you feel loved?

 

Reflecting on these moments—even those involving family and friends—can help you better articulate your needs to your spouse.

 

Love Languages Can Change

 

Recent studies show that love languages aren’t static:

•26% of people have changed how they express love in the past year.

•25% have changed how they prefer to receive love.

 

As life evolves, so do our needs. Regularly check in with your spouse to see how their love language might have shifted.

 

Conclusion: Love Beyond Labels

 

Love languages are tools, not rules. What matters most is understanding how to best communicate love in your marriage. God designed us to experience and express love—not just in our relationships with Him, but also in our earthly connections. In marriage, this love is most deeply realized.

 

Whether it’s through shared experiences, emotional security, or another love language, spend your life discovering new ways to love your spouse more fully. After all, the greatest joy in marriage is striving to outdo each other in expressing love.

 

Thank you for tuning into Operation: Thriving Marriage! Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review. Let’s keep thriving together!

Ep 74 - Combining Accounts; Yes or No?

**Episode 74: Combining Accounts; Yes or No? | Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast**

In this episode, Bryon and Jen explore a question often asked during premarital coaching and live events but rarely discussed openly in marriage circles: *Should we combine our bank accounts?* While questions about sex and parenting frequently arise, financial issues don’t come up as often. Why is that? Bryon and Jen delve into why this topic is essential and how it can shape the future health of a marriage.

 
Couples, especially newlyweds, often struggle with the decision of whether or not to merge their finances. Here’s a look at the range of perspectives that can make this choice challenging:

- **Combine Everything:** Some people believe full financial unity is crucial and may feel guilt if they don't do so.
- **Keep Finances Separate:** Others suggest keeping separate accounts, fearing conflict or financial incompatibility.
- **Find a Middle Ground:** Many promote a “his, hers, and ours” approach, or suggest combining accounts with individual spending allowances.

These diverse viewpoints reflect the broader reality that financial conflict is a significant cause of stress in marriages. Deciding how to approach finances can have lasting implications for a couple’s relationship.

 
While the Bible doesn’t explicitly address how married couples should manage their bank accounts, it provides guiding principles that speak to money management in marriage.

1. **Don’t Let Money Become an Idol**  
   - *Matthew 6:24*: “No one can serve two masters…You cannot serve God and money.”
   - This verse challenges us to examine our relationship with money. Does discussing finances create tension or anxiety? Are we willing to sacrifice harmony in our marriage for financial control? Keeping this in check can prevent money from becoming a divisive issue.

2. **Marriage Means Becoming One**  
   - *Genesis 2:24*: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
   - This principle suggests that joining finances can be a powerful act of unity. A 2023 study from the *Journal of Consumer Research* found that newlyweds who combined accounts reported improved relationship satisfaction, while those with separate accounts saw a decline. Combining finances helps couples feel more aligned in their goals and fosters mutual responsibility.

**When Separate Accounts Might Make Sense**  
While combining accounts is generally beneficial, there are situations where keeping finances separate may be wise:
   - **Second Marriages & Estate Planning:** Jen discusses special considerations for blended families and inheritance planning.
   - **Past Financial Abuse:** In cases where financial trauma is present, separate accounts can help couples avoid triggering past pain and foster security.

One approach to avoid, however, is a strict 50-50 split of expenses and tasks. In marriage, scorekeeping can lead to resentment and undermine the partnership. This isn't a roommate arrangement—it’s a unified journey.

Financial disagreements are a frequent cause of tension in marriage, often due to differing views on account management. While there are times when separate accounts might be appropriate, research and experience indicate that couples who combine finances generally enjoy healthier marriages. By approaching finances as a team, couples can cultivate transparency, trust, and a stronger bond.

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Join Bryon and Jen in today’s episode for an in-depth conversation on navigating finances in marriage, setting yourself up for long-term success, and fostering peace in every area of your relationship.

Ep 73 - Being Your Spouse’s Peace

Episode 73: Being Your Spouse’s Peace - Operation: Thriving Marriage

Introduction
We recently read an article titled, "Being a Man's Peace," but what does that really mean? Does peace depend on one spouse, or is it something deeper? We’ll break down this idea and see how it aligns—or conflicts—with a biblical understanding of peace.

What Does Peace Really Mean?
In today's culture, peace is often misunderstood as the absence of conflict or simply making things calm. But in the Bible, peace—"shalom"—is much more than that. It represents wholeness, completeness, and a life rooted in Christ. It’s about knowing who you are in Him and not constantly striving for more than God has given you.

Jesus reminds us in John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives." This peace isn't something we create for each other. Rather, it comes from God. While you can’t be your spouse’s source of peace, you can create a relationship that fosters peace by being the safest person in their life—someone they can trust without fear or judgment.

How to Create Safety in Your Marriage
1. **Communicate Deeply and Honestly:** 
   - Share your goals, dreams, fears, and insecurities with each other.
   - Listen without judgment or interruption. Don’t listen just to respond—listen to understand. Pay attention to what’s being said, but also to tone, body language, and what might be left unsaid.
   - This type of communication builds trust, allowing your spouse to feel safe and open with you.

2. **Give Each Other Space:**
   - Even in the closest marriages, both spouses need space. Needing time alone doesn’t mean your spouse is rejecting you; it’s a necessary part of being human and experiencing shalom.
   - Allow your spouse to pursue hobbies, interests, and time away from you. This space is crucial for personal growth and emotional well-being.

3. **Create Shared Experiences:** 
   - Balance the personal space with intentional time spent together. Build memories through vacations, date nights, and inside jokes. 
   - Every couple is different, so find the right blend of space and togetherness that works for you both.

4. **Focus on Your Own Shalom:**
   - If you’re stressed, restless, or disconnected from God, that inner turmoil will affect your marriage. Focus on maintaining your own peace through prayer, Scripture reading, and spiritual disciplines.
   - A peaceful spirit within you will naturally contribute to a more peaceful, healthy marriage.

Conclusion
True peace in marriage comes from Jesus, not from each other. While you can’t be your spouse’s ultimate source of peace, you can create a relationship built on safety, trust, and spiritual growth. By focusing on honest communication, giving space when needed, and maintaining your own connection with God, you contribute to an environment where both of you can experience the peace of Christ.

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**Maximize peace in your marriage** by applying these principles. Subscribe to *Operation: Thriving Marriage* for more insights on building a Christ-centered relationship.

Ep 72 - Can I Still Be Friends With My Ex?

**Podcast Episode Notes for "Operation: Thriving Marriage"**  
**Episode 72: Can I Still Be Friends With My Ex?**

**Introduction**  
- Is it possible or wise to stay friends with an ex? How do different people feel about maintaining such relationships, especially within the context of a marriage? In today’s episode, we’ll dive into these questions, explore the complexities of relationships with exes, and discuss how they can impact your marriage.

**The Problem: Almost Everyone Has an Ex**  
- Whether it’s someone you dated before marriage or a former spouse after divorce, ex-partners often linger in the background.  
- Feelings toward exes vary widely—from intense dislike to lingering affection.  
- These relationships are inherently different from other friendships because they once involved romantic or sexual intimacy.  
- This unique history with an ex can influence how your spouse perceives that relationship.  
- If children are involved, the situation can become even more complicated, which we will address later.

**The Solution: Can You Stay Friends With an Ex?**  
- There is nothing in Scripture that forbids maintaining a friendship with an ex. The common Christian marriage vow to “forsake all others” refers to sexual exclusivity, not friendships. Hebrews 13:4 emphasizes the importance of maintaining sexual purity in marriage.  
- While the Bible does not explicitly prohibit friendships with exes, maintaining a *close* relationship can be unwise for several reasons:
    - It may make your spouse feel undervalued or less unique.
    - Spending time with an ex could rekindle old feelings, leading to potential problems.
    - Ask yourself: Why do you want to stay in touch? Are you looking for something from your ex that should come from your spouse? This is a crucial conversation to have with your partner if that’s the case.

**Co-Parenting With an Ex**  
- Co-parenting presents a unique dynamic. Maintaining a healthy relationship with your ex is essential for your children’s well-being.  
- However, it’s equally important for all parties—your spouse, children, and ex—to understand that your current spouse takes priority in your life.  
- If you’re a step-parent, supporting your spouse’s healthy co-parenting relationship with their ex is crucial for the success of your blended family.

**Conclusion**  
- There’s no biblical mandate to cut ties with an ex, but it’s wise to carefully evaluate the nature of that relationship. Maintaining a strong, healthy marriage means putting your spouse second only to God. An ongoing close relationship with an ex could create unnecessary tensions or even harm your marriage, unless co-parenting requires continued interaction.

Keywords: Friends with exes, marriage advice, Christian marriage, staying friends with an ex, co-parenting with ex, biblical view on ex-relationships, maintaining marriage, forsaking all others, step-parenting, marriage and exes.

Ep 71 - What Does the Bible Really Say About Marital Submission

**Introduction**

Welcome to another episode of *Operation: Thriving Marriage*. Today, we're diving into one of the most challenging and divisive topics in Christian marriage—submission. Bryon and Jen explore why submission stirs such strong reactions and what it really means from a biblical perspective.

**Why Submission is a Major Issue**

Bryon asks Jen why she thinks submission is such a contentious topic in Christian marriages. Jen explains that there are two primary reasons for this:

1. **Historical Abuses Against Women**: The concept of submission is often rejected as outdated and harmful because of past abuses that have subjugated women.
   
2. **Misunderstanding of Biblical Submission**: Many people, including some pastors and church leaders, do not fully understand what biblical submission entails. This misunderstanding can lead to a variety of issues, including:
   - **Unbiblical Restrictions on Women**: These restrictions can prevent women from fulfilling the roles and callings God has for them.
   - **Misinterpretation of Scripture**: Misunderstandings can lead to incorrect interpretations and doctrines, which misrepresent Christ and hinder outreach efforts.

**The Problems with Misunderstanding Submission**

When people dismiss biblical submission as harmful, they often draw false conclusions about Jesus and Christianity, missing the beauty and truth of God's teachings. Misunderstanding biblical submission can result in:

1. **Unbiblical Restrictions**: Preventing women from achieving their full potential in Christ.
   
2. **Misinterpretations of Scripture**: Leading to flawed doctrines that can distort the gospel.
   
3. **False Representations of Christ**: Making it harder to attract others to God's kingdom.

**Understanding Biblical Submission (Ephesians 5)**

To clarify what biblical submission really means, Bryon and Jen turn to one of the most commonly discussed passages: Ephesians 5:15-28. They emphasize that:

1. **Continuity of Thought**: Many Bibles incorrectly separate verse 21 ("submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ") from verse 22 ("Wives, submit to your husbands"), but these verses are part of the same continuous thought. Verse 22 and beyond, often referred to as the household code, provide practical applications of the preceding teachings within the home.

2. **Submission vs. Subservience**: Submission is often overemphasized in verse 22, leading to misunderstandings. Paul’s teachings in this passage do not suggest that women are inferior or that submission equates to subservience. Instead, biblical submission is about mutual respect and love, modeled after the relationship between Christ and the Church.

3. **Submission Does Not Define Roles**: Submission does not dictate that women must be homemakers or refrain from working outside the home. It is also not something that can be forced; Christ doesn’t force the Church to submit, and the Church submits out of love, not fear.

4. **Headship as Responsibility, Not Privilege**: Headship is often misinterpreted as a position of privilege, but Paul presents it as a position of responsibility. Husbands are called to serve their families as Christ served the Church, even to the point of self-sacrifice.

**Conclusion**

In conclusion, Bryon and Jen encourage listeners not to look for a prescribed way to live out submission and headship in their marriage because the Bible doesn’t offer a one-size-fits-all approach. Instead, they urge couples to seek understanding and guidance from Scripture and to work together to apply biblical teachings in their unique circumstances. When submission and headship are understood correctly, they become a way to glorify Christ rather than a burden to bear.

If you have questions or need further guidance on this topic, we encourage you to seek godly counsel from your local church community. Remember, living out biblical principles in your marriage isn’t about following cultural norms; it’s about following Christ.

Thank you for listening to *Operation: Thriving Marriage*. Don’t forget to subscribe, share this episode, and leave us a review. See you next time!

Ep 70 - Sex After Kids

**Episode 70: Sex After Kids**

In this episode of *Operation: Thriving Marriage*, we tackle the challenge of keeping intimacy alive after having children. Sex is essential for a strong marriage, fostering connection, happiness, and intimacy. However, once kids enter the picture, maintaining a healthy sex life can feel nearly impossible. Privacy disappears, interruptions are constant, and bedtime routines become a battle. Yet, a thriving sex life is crucial for a thriving marriage, and we’re here to help.

Tune in as we share practical strategies to protect your intimacy. Learn how to plan sex dates, enforce bedtime rules, and prioritize your relationship, even in the midst of parenting. Don’t let kids be the reason your connection suffers—discover how to keep the romance alive and ensure a strong, lasting marriage.

Ep 69 - I Feel More Like a Roommate than a Spouse

In this episode of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast we answer another listener question. In this episode Deanna asked how to deal with the dreaded roommate phase. She says she feels more a roommate than a wife. This is a difficult but common experience for couples especially after 3 - 5 years of marriage. It’s uncomfortable in the moment, but as you build your communication skills you will find new ways to connect and build intimacy that will make your marriage stronger than it was before. This episode provides insight and advice on how to do exactly that.

Ep 68 - Friends, Finances, and Your Marriage

In Episode 69 of Operation: Thriving Marriage, we focus on how friendships impact the financial health of a marriage. Jen shares personal stories about how her friends influence her relationship and finances, reflecting Jimmy Evans' insight from XO Marriage that our friends shape our future. We delve into Biblical teachings that highlight the importance of healthy, God-designed relationships, emphasizing that financial decisions are crucial within these dynamics.

We address the challenge of friends who negatively affect our finances, especially in today’s social media-driven world. Friends often showcase their extravagant lifestyles online, leading to feelings of inadequacy and financial strain. We discuss the pressure to match their spending on dinners, activities, and vacations, which can cause tension and stress in marriages.

To navigate these challenges, we offer practical solutions. Your financial decisions as a couple should reflect your values, goals, and the example you wish to set. We emphasize the importance of contentment and aligning financial goals with Scripture. Learn to celebrate your friends' successes without falling into discontentment and make wise choices about the people who influence your financial habits.

In conclusion, as Christians, we are called to be different through how we live and manage our finances. Let your financial decisions glorify God and reflect His kingdom. Tune in for insightful discussions on managing friendships and finances in your marriage.

**Keywords: Financial Health in Marriage, Marriage and Finances, Social Media Influence, Biblical Financial Guidance, Christian Financial Management, Contentment in Marriage, Marriage Advice Podcast**

Ep 67 - Through the Eyes of a Child

In this enlightening episode of the Operation: Thriving Marriage podcast, we turn the spotlight on our first guests - our kids! Join us as we dive into the world of marriage from a child's perspective, exploring their candid thoughts, heartfelt observations, and innocent wisdom about what it takes to build a thriving marriage. 

Our kids share their views on love, partnership, and what they've learned from watching us navigate the ups and downs of married life. This heartwarming and insightful episode offers a refreshing look at marriage through the eyes of the next generation. Whether you're a

Ep 66 - Spicing Things Up

In this episode of the Operation: Thriving Marriage Podcast, we answer a listener question. Megen asked “How to spice things up in marriage without cheating.”

Marriages all go through phase in sex and intimacy. There are times when sex is less frequent than one or both of you desire. There are also times when the sex is not as fulfilling as one or both of you would like it to be. These are normal struggles in marriage. Cheating will not solve those problems. Cheating can only lead to hurt and pain in a marriage.

In this episode we talk about different ways to spice up the sex in your marriage. One of the most important things is to discuss sex together and communicate what you want and need. Other ideas include ways of being more sexy towards each other and planning a sex date.

Please keep the questions coming. We love to hear from you. You can contact us at OperationThrivingMarriage.com. We hope you enjoy this episode and come up with new ways to spice things up in your own marriage.